Zoloft and Paxil and Buspar and Xanax...

So, in case you haven't heard, my throat started swelling until it pretty much closed. They checked for strep, which it wasn't, so they gave me some Prednisone and told me to go home. It's helping (breathing neither hurts nor is difficult anymore) but adding 3 pills to my daily routine made me look back and realize how many meds I'm on.

There are good and bad things about being on meds. 

Bad things include: 

     When I go on a trip, I spend so much time making sure I have every one of my meds that I usually forget something pivotal, like my contacts...

     Just one more thing to remember to do morning and night.

     If I forget them, even for one day, I'll start getting nervous and angsty without knowing why (until I remember).

     They're a big expense EVERY MONTH (at least mine are).

     Sometimes they make me feel broken.

     Some people have very bad reactions to hearing about them (avoidance, gossiping, thinking you're crazy or asking you when you're going to be "healed").

Good things include:

     My body is now incapable of retaining excess salt! (No bloating for me :D )

     In fact, the only electrolyte my body can retain is potassium, which, since I hate the evil bananas, is a good choice!

     When I'm having a really bad day, I put on sunglasses and a head scarf, swig those pills back and pretend that I'm Bette Davis.

     They work. More often than not.

     To expound: They help me to feel like a normal person. If I'm freaking out, I know I have them.

     I can feel proud of myself for solving problems without using them. And being proud of yourself for NOT doing something is great! No physical effort required.

    

I heard that it usually takes 19 years for a person with OCD to get the proper help. My first cognizant symptom was when I was 3 years old. I realized that something was not normal and I was not okay when I was 16. I got diagnosed when I was 21. I got medication when I was 25. I'm still working on the exact science today.

If you think you might have mental health issues, just know that my way took much too long. You're not the only one. And I find it very freeing to be able to put a name to the problem.

Sometimes I can be very difficult because of my illness. For example, I will freak out if you say "I'm so OCD!" like it's only people who like neatness. Sometimes, something small you do or say will activate one of my triggers and I will be rude because my OCD's telling me that there is a threat. I may say something, or I may just have to leave immediately. Sometimes I will write you emails/call you to apologize for something ridiculous after a long time, because I've decided that I mishandled it, or was in some other way wrong. In fact, sometimes when I'll apologize, it'll sound like I was making everything up before, because I'm judging myself so harshly that I don't want to leave anything (even a passing thought) out. Change is hard for me. Even taking a vacation can be difficult. Working on somebody else's schedule can be hard for me. I will get strangely upset and sentimental about things that really shouldn't be that important when I feel like I'm losing control of a situation.

I appreciate your support and friendship. It's made me so happy even when I wasn't able to show it in a way you understood. I appreciate concessions you make for the things that I'm dealing with, even if you don't really understand those things. I especially appreciate those of you who have talked to me about your own issues so I know I'm not a total weirdo.

So apparently not sharing every moment of your life on a public forum is "secretive"

So yes, I am sort of dating somebody. I'm going to transcribe our DTR for you, since it will maybe shed some light on the subject:

Me: "So when people ask me what we are, I don't know what to tell them."
Him: "I tell them 'We are what we are'".
Me: "I like it!"

Seriously.

Won't you take me to...

D (undisclosed child I'm sitting for) and I pass our days in an odd variety of ways. Most recently, with a Wii. Who knew that Wii Fit Kids could send me limping up the stairs for days? Today we started Wii Dance. D had a very specific song he wanted to dance to. Here's how it went:

D: "No, go that way..."

Me: "This one?"

D: "No, keep going..."

Me: "This one?"

D: "No, go back..."

Me: "Wait. Funkytown?"

D: "Yeah! Funkytown."

I think he actually beat me at this one, which I try to make sure happens fairly regularly. I do all of our sports/dances/games with my left hand...badly. But it's easier to let him win when we're playing games by hand. From what I gather, his older sister trumps him pretty soundly at everything, so I think that he needs to win when she's gone (of course, I could also be hindering his progress by metaphorically "breaking the shell open for him", but that's another discussion). When we're playing Candyland, all I have to do is stack the deck while he's moving his piece. But with Wii, I have to dance without moving half my body, which means he thinks he should do it too.

Here's how big of a girl I am, by the way. His sister has those Disney fairies that they just came out with to go with the new Tinkerbell stories. I LOVE them. My very first day, I brought them into "Oscar's Trash Can Game" (filling up a box with everything in the toy room) and since then we've played with them every day. Oddly enough, right before I started with D, I saw a picture of my cousin putting a tiny green shoe on a fairy for his daughter and thought how sweet it was of him! And I was delighted when I found that the shoes on our fairies came off too! Trouble is, they come off everywhere, all the time. They stick in the drum set and get lost in the Potato Heads. If they were his, I wouldn't mind so much, but his sister is the type to cry if a shoe gets lost. I say this, because I know I would if they were mine.

Being such a girl, I was unprepared for boy games. Games like screaming an alarm noise at the top of your lungs and "The Volcano's going to get you!"or getting eaten time after time by an airplane. My repertoire of mechanical noises has doubled.

Lastly, a few days ago we were playing and D said "Where are the fairies? I'm going to have them for dinner." Since he loves play-cooking and has even made me pancakes on occasion, I said "If you're having dinner with them it's to dinner, and if you're eating them, it's for dinner." He grinned up at me and said "Yeah. FOR dinner."

Job!

For those of you wondering how I was living without any form of income, I can now happily say, I have a job. As a nanny. It's very part time, but the mom told me that she'd pass my info on, and I've got other kumquats on the fire anyhoo (not to say I wouldn't accept more kumquats if you've got any handy).

I'm only looking after 1 kid (4 year old), who seems super sweet, and the parents seem remarkably sane. Like people I'd talk to if I ever got out. And now that I'm working there, I'm really glad that I nice to their elderly neighbor who got all upset about my parking!

So, yay for me. Glitter and confetti to follow.

Decisions

So, I suppose now's the time to catch y'all up on my life for real.

The reason I haven't been writing is because I was planning on quitting my job, and I really couldn't say anything about my life without mentioning that. But, we are now done, I have not only put in my notice, but also finished my 2 weeks. Since most of you already know why, I won't rehash too much, but suffice it to say that my boss and I are still on good terms, but it just seemed like time to move on. After all, it had been 3 years.

Now I'm looking for something to keep me solvent until August when I get to move to LONDON! I applied to the University of Nottingham and King's College London in 2 programs. And as much as I love Nottingham (I mean, it's NOTTINGHAM) I realized that the program was just not suited to me. Which is really a shame, because it's about 65% cheaper to live in Nottingham compared to London. I applied to KCL in Medieval Studies and Theatre Studies because I want to continue on to Dramaturgy (history for theatre)/theatre museums and eventually teaching. I'm still waiting to hear on Nottingham (they just received the last of my documents), but I interviewed today with the Theatre program, and I was accepted to the Medieval Studies! I feel pretty strongly towards the Medieval Studies, first because it's an excellent program, and secondly because the head of the department went to so much effort to get to know me. If she's willing to put this much time into a candidate, I know I'll have a great support system there. The Theatre department was a) impressed and interested by my application (I believe the word "captivating" was bandied about) but b) focuses in on a theory of theatre that doesn't mesh as much with what I've done before. Liability or asset?


If you know me well, then the answer to your next question is, no, I'm not taking him with me. As much as I would love taking Nigel with me (to the point that I even got him ready for his kitty passport), I realized that I need to be focusing on school, and I'll feel horrible if I leave him alone in a tiny, dark flat all day. Luckily, Liz, my roomie, has agreed to keep him. I'm so happy that they love each other. After all, she doesn't flail about in her sleep, so he actually gets to stay on the bed with her.


So yay. Everything's out in the open now. I like feeling like I can talk about things. Especially since I talk so much regardless.

I get kissed by a "little person"; or, "Down Home Country 2"

So I went back to the country, aka Ninety-Six, SC. My roomie and I both had a weekend off, so we decided to relax. Good news! No more cicadas!!!! The locust are gone!!!!!!!! I got to swing on the tree swing!!

We arrived Saturday night and spent the evening eating, talking and watching Connie & Carla. If you haven't seen it , I highly recommend it. As Liz's mom said, it was the best laugh she'd had in a long time.

Then next morning we went to church a little early because we were singing in the choir. Yes that's right, we were singing. In. The. Choir. They needed help and apparently the choir director heard Liz was coming home for the weekend. So when we got there, remember how I said last time that everybody descended on Liz? This time, I got included. Everybody remembered me too, so I got the same "How have you been?", "What have you been up to?", "It's so good to see you again!". On the way in this sweet little woman grabbed me and went for the mouth, but I turned at the last moment. This would say "kissed by a midget" but apparently that's an offensive term. But calling them "little people", like a leprechaun, is apparently correct and kind. I guess that's just the way it is. And to be honest, I don't think she was a little person. She was just hobbit-sized.

That afternoon we also went to Star Fort, and me being me, I jumped into the middle of the ruins. Well, site. The part that I found the funniest is that the British were stuck inside, surrounded by Rebs, while there was a perfectly lovely settlement of the Britisher's families not half a mile away. How strange would it have been to be that close but have it be like different worlds? And points for the Southerners for not just attacking the villagers and then picking off the British one by one as they came out that ridiculously tiny door.

I got to meet a lot of Liz's nieces and nephews. Now, with 5 nieces of my own, I'm pretty used to hearing "What does the kitty say?" or "How does the piggy talk?" but until I went down there, I've never heard those followed up by "How does the gator go?" Among the family were Liz's super Southern sister-in-law and retinue, with the cutest Southern manners I've ever seen. For example, Hayden, 5ish I think, turned to her aunt and said "Carrie, may I have a glass of water please?" Her mother immediately turned and said "What did you just say?!" to which her daughter immediately replied "Miss Carrie, may I have a glass of water please?". Those kids are raised right. Apparently, however, I wasn't, since after forgetting Hayden's name I said "Oh, little one...Ginger!" Her mother fixed me with the steeliest gaze I'd ever seen and said solemnly "I forgive you. Once."

I must say, I'm enjoying my Country spice, even though I keep seeing more of the things that remind me that I know nothing out here.

My Christmas Vacation by Lisa

You know how in school, whenever you came back from a holiday you had to write an essay about it? My Easter Vacation, My Summer Vacation, My Best Birthday Ever. Well, here's mine, but unlike in school, i get to use pictures.

My Christmas vacation was awesome. It was the best ever because first of all, i didn't have to go school. I mean work. Also, i got to see my cousins who i almost never get to see. Never. And i got to see my cousin's son, my...second cousin? He gave me my first palm frond rose ever. He had it made at a party. I'd bet he's going to be a real charmer when he hits High School.

 And I have to say, I know that there are lots of you who think that I can't cook. I know that I joke about it, but the truth is, I can. And pretty well. I'm not a everyday cooker, and I'm not great at creating family meals, but I can do amazing things. Take for instance, at my cousin's house. My lovely cousin Karen has a strict no hassle policy for holiday cooking so there were no sweet ingredients in the house, except: yellow cake mix, can of cream cheese frosting, spray bottle of white cookie icing, multi-tube of sprinkles. One train-set cake pan later, I had this:

The cake overflowed a bit, so we made those into mountains. Then, after dying the icing red, green and brown (okay, chocolate, not dye), I made the mountains and let Zach decorate the trains.

That thing on the side is a house. And while you can't see it, we covered the whole thing with white sugar sprinkles as snow. I also made Whoopie cookies, though those came with a mix as well. There was no powdered sugar for the icing though, so I filled them with Cool Whip and froze them.

So yes, this is the moment I say "HA. SO can cook."

Also got to see my other cousin's baby. I think they'll need to buy one of those automatic vacuums to keep her busy when the new one come :)

 Finally, one of the biggest reasons that this Christmas vacation was AWESOME was because I got accepted into Grad School. In fact, I spent quite some time discussing my desperation with my cousin Scott--worrying that I'd never get in, and become a sad, pathetic, educational institution-stalker, who would throw everyone with a degree out of my mini-mart from sheer jealously. As soon as Scott left, I went up to check my email and I had a letter from the head of the Department of English Language & Literature saying that she was offering me a spot in the Medieval Studies program. I immediately ran downstairs to my cousin Jerry, who was taking a football nap after staying up til 4am working, and screamed "Hug me! Hug me!" all the way to tackling him on the couch. He looked pretty scared until I explained what was going on, at which point he picked me up and yelled with me. It's nice to have people to celebrate with you.

Christmas day was wonderful, with lots of presents sent from home, and lots from Sceth and Kerry (Scott/Beth, Jerry/Karen). I got my first tea steeper ever, with the loose tea and everything, and I got chocolate hand lotion. Actually, they pretty much bought out Ulta.

So that is why my Christmas vacation was awesome. I hope for lots of more awesome times with my fam and friends. The End. (And yes, I did include that at the end of all my essays)