Problems

Just so as we're all aware, I have problems.

Problem #1: My intense, never abating fear of insects.
     It's actually gotten worse over the years. Growing up my brother said that he was going to cure me of my fear of spiders by not taking care of them for me, but I quickly learned that if you keep screaming for long enough, people will do just about anything to get you to shut up. Now it's all bugs. Walking up the stairs to go to bed a few night ago, I turned to my side and noticed a really large cockroach/some-type-of-big-Southern-bug-I-don't-wanna-know-more. Now, as my friend and soon be roommate Liz pointed out, if it's big it means that it lives outside, and just wandered in for a moment, but it was still a 20 minute fiasco to kill it. I decided that I'd take it outside and clamped a bowl (disposable) over it, and then realized that I wouldn't be able to get the magazine under the bowl without it dropping to the floor. And if I took off the bowl, even for a second, it would run like the wind. There's nothing to make you feel helpless like standing in your own house, holding a bowl on the wall for dear life and realizing you can't move, but staying won't help you. Eventually I slid the magazine under from the top and bing bang boom. It took me 45 minutes dancing in the spare room to calm me down.

Problem #2: My need to know.
     Know what? Know everything. When my professors wrote me letters of reccomendation for grad school, I really wanted to know what they said. Just to know. Finally I ended up agreeing with my therapist that hacking into their respective computer systems would not be a productive use of my time. But if the school kept my file...

Problem #3: I hate dating.
     As my friend Mal's blog put it, you will try to shape your life to look at least a little bit like your favorite book. So yes, while I could enjoy going to balls or galas or operas and meeting some fabulous member of the peerage, I really have no interest in having an awkward conversation over noodles. For some reason, I never really hit it off with guys that I go on formal dates with. While on a date, most of the time I'm just plotting how I can get home as early as possible so I'll have maximum reading time before I go to bed. Take, for instance, the date I'm going on tonight (y'know come to think of it, this is actually problems #2 and 3). He said that we were going about 20 minutes outside of town to hear a band and watch fireworks. The dinner part of the evening is set for 6:30. So, in an effort to decide whether or not I should beg off the second part of the evening, I googled around and found out exactly where we're going and the schedule for it. It actually sounds like fun...but less fun on a date. I'd love to get some friends together to go, but don't want to totally dis him either. The worst is when I'm having a really bad time on a date, but I don't want to make him totally miserable so I start directing myself. "Smile, he thinks you're not having fun. Okay, not that big you're scaring him. Uncross the arms. But keep the feet pointed away" and so on.

Problem #4: I'm on a new diet every 5 weeks.
     Enough said.

Problem #5: I tend not to say anything about what's bothering me until it's really bad.
    Ever had those tiny little spats, and you figure they're just not worth arguing over? Or have a big "discussion" and you don't want to get down and dirty in the fight so you don't really say anything? And then after a while of this, you finally say what you think and people think that you're just crazy because all of the sudden you're freaking out at them, when they think they've been a gem the whole time? Yeah, that happens to me a lot.

While these are by no means comprehensive, they're just what I've been thinking about lately.